WanderLust Kaitlyn Jayne

Maroon Bells - Four Pass Loop

August 20, 2015

I'm writing this on Marli's back, sitting on top of a fallen tree, looking out over the campsite. Between the spruce, fir, and pine trees I have a panorama view of Snowmass Lake surrounded by giant grey peaks of loose rock and sporadic vegetation. The peace and quiet is welcome and needed. The creek, the wind, the occasional clank of a neighboring camper's ultralight cooking pans. It soothes my mercurial mind and leaves it able to reflect and absorb the simplicity and grandeur of this beauty.

Are we the only animal that recognizes beauty? Does the mountain goat perched steadily on a cliffside look out over its domain and exhale a sigh of reverence for the vast expanse of untouched rock and tree that is home? Or is she content with the instinctual drive to feed and reproduce on the extreme terrain on which she was born? The fiery sunsets go unnoticed. The first rays of light just the signal of another day to survive. If so, why are we different? Why do still blue lakes inspire poetry? Why do we push and challenge ourselves to find the most remote, untouched pockets of sacred wildness to just sit and be? Do we sense that this is where we came from? That our souls need it to survive? To center and release ourselves from the pressures of being something other than wild? And maybe that's why we recognize it as beautiful, because it exists despite the world we've created around us. It doesn't need us to acknowledge the beauty because it doesn't need us at all. And that is beautiful.

August 21, 2015
Hiked from Snowmass Lake, over Trail Rider Pass, to just below Frigid-Air Pass. Camped near the base of a glorious cascading waterfall with a perfect view.

No matter where you are in the world, if you can see the bright stars in the sky, it can make you feel something. Whether you're sick, sad, cruel, or insignificant, you feel. I may be all of those things at this moment, in the loneliest, happiest, most maddening way. But at least I can feel. I feel something wondrous and erotic and sanctimoniously independent when I look at those stars.

Crested Butte, Colorado

September 13, 2015

I haven't done this in well over a year - slept in a vehicle. Outside. In nature. Under the stars. Contemplating life and feeling that sticky sweet ecstasy of being alone. Not talking, not listening, barely even thinking. Being engulfed by my surroundings. The colors, the shapes, the smell and sound. All at once and none at all. The 3.5 hour drive alone from Vail to CB over windy dirt alpine roads pockmarked by rain and heavy use. Views new and enticing. To find a sunset campground in time for a glass of wine and a bowl of soup. Tomorrow will begin a 10-day course to become a Wilderness First Responder. I am monumentally excited and admittedly nervous. To test my instincts, push my limits, release my comfort zone and learn more about me and my place in the world. Growth, self reliance and realization, compassion and sincerity. Things to always work on.

September 15, 2015
This is the exact experience that I live for. A chance to learn something new, exciting, something I want to know and use. A chance to my my unbridled self, unapologetically. To be me, out loud, in any given situation. The way we're learning in class is my learning style. Create muscle memory and try not to lose it. Tonight we went out for drink after class. I asked questions, listened, had no interest in talking about myself. Just enjoyed each moment and soaked in the experience.

We're here for CB's annual Autumn Harvest Festival called Vinotok. Tonight we watched a giant tower of fire melt pure solid iron. Flames shooting from the top, liquid sunshine pouring out the bottom into a bucket wielded by silver space suit antler wearing spirit creatures. Poured into a long luge of molten lava, square bricks and swirled sunshine. A unique, alternative, pagan event that has the currents of weirdness stirring inside me. This 10 days will be one to remember, I can tell.

In regards to the WFR, tasks and material, I'm loving it. The challenge to think about each situation in new way and how to react accordingly. The ultimate test of quick thinking and smart decision making in a tough, stressful situation. Looking forward to the coming challenges!

September 16, 2015
Woke up to a misty mountain morning. A ribbon of clouds wrapped around the pine and yellow aspen slopes. A cool, calming way to start the day of 'firehose to the face' learning. On the agenda today: head injuries, splinting fractures, reducing dislocations. More people to learn about, more friends to make. I need to stay focused on the tasks at hand - learning and practicing these skills - but of course I'm sidetracked and stimulated by the fulfilling social aspect here. A class of 23 most between the ages of 25-35. All pretty outgoing, active, fun and interesting. Many are expert or extreme athletes of some kind. Others, more like me, are just keen to learn.

September 17, 2015
I want to laugh so hard I start to cry from the fullness I feel. My ears and mind are engulfed by the sound of the rushing river and Nathan playing the Native American flute. My eyes are full of stars, some of them shooting, and that blue-black of the cosmic universe. My heart is full of the love and appreciation I have for this situation, these extraordinary people. Each one of them full of their own stories, passions, talents, and quirks. Despite our differences, or rather, because of our differences, we have become birds of a feather in no more then 4 days. I fully love it all.

September 19, 2015
Vinotok. Bike the 401 trail. Dance at the Eldo til 2am.

September 22, 2015
I feel so happy to be engrossed in this reality that I'm resistant to go back to the reality of Vail. The intoxicating beauty of the valley and the changing aspen leaves. The remarkable people I am fortunate to share this experience with. Each unique quality they possess - I've loved connecting with each tremendous soul. To leave them now seems traumatic, I just hope I'm able to stay in contact with them.